Self-abandonment begins in childhood.
If your parents didn’t meet your emotional and/or physical needs in childhood, you may have formed a core belief that you are unworthy of love and belonging.
I have observed that we tend to repeat our childhood trauma. We repeatedly attract people who will not meet our needs because it’s familiar.
And we don’t know how to be there for ourselves, because no one was truly there for us as children.
We can learn how to love and value ourselves.
We can prioritize self-care.
We can learn how to set boundaries without feeling guilty.
We can learn how to be true to ourselves.
Trauma bonding is when a person stays in a destructive relationship and is loyal to the abuser.
Trauma bonds often occur in relationships with narcissists, relationships with addicts or alcoholics, or in domestic violence situations. They can also occur in cult-like religious groups.
If you experienced abuse from a parent or caregiver who also loved you, then you may have learned to associate love with abuse. So, you may be drawn to abusive relationships because the abuse feels like love.
There is always manipulation involved in these relationships. Your brain may even become addicted to the drama involved. Chemicals are released in the brain and you can become addicted the way a heroin addict becomes addicted.
You can break the cycle! It involves recognizing the core beliefs you formed and being transformed by the truth and the renewing of your mind. New neural pathways in the brain can be established. You can learn to form healthy, loving relationships.
Dr. Bruce Lipton, a cellular biologist, writes about the “Honeymoon Effect” and how it affects our health.
When we fall in love, our eyes twinkle. Our affection isn’t just limited to our partner; rather we are in love with life itself and it shows.
He urges us to rewrite our perceptions so we can create that head-over-heels in love state-of-mind again and again and again.
Lipton calls the quest to continuously feel “in love,” “the science of creating heaven on earth.” 💥
Science has spoken about such things, writes Lipton. For example, HeartMath researchers have found the impact of love itself is real and biochemically measurable.
According to Lipton, when subjects focus their attention on the heart and activate a core heart feeling, such as love, appreciation, or caring, these emotions immediately shift their heartbeat rhythms into a more coherent pattern. Increasing heartbeat coherence activates a cascade of neural and biochemical events that affect virtually every organ in the body.
Studies demonstrate that having heart coherence reduces the activity of the sympathetic nervous system—our fight-or-flight mechanism—while simultaneously increasing the healing activity of the parasympathetic nervous system. As a result, stress hormones are reduced and the anti-aging hormone DHEA is produced.
Love actually does make us healthier, happier, and causes us to live longer.
I have left “Christian City” and I am on a journey to find the Kingdom of Love, where I’ve heard that people fall in love over and over again with their beautiful King. He has become their “magnificent obsession.” Their eyes twinkle, they are love with life itself, and they experience “heaven on earth.”
The Kingdom of Love has a much different culture than what is found in most Evangelical churches.
In the Kingdom of Love, we are taught to bless and not to curse those that persecute us.
In the Kingdom of Love, we are taught to live in harmony with one another.
In the Kingdom of Love, we are taught not to repay anyone evil for evil.
In the Kingdom of Love, we are taught to live at peace with everyone.
In the Kingdom of Love, if your enemy is hungry, you feed him; if he is thirsty, you give him something to drink.
In the Kingdom of Love, you overcome evil with good.
The road is narrow and lonely to this beautiful Kingdom of Love. You have to leave the trappings of “Christian City” behind to find it.
Projection is a defense mechanism where someone denies their faults and attributes them to others. They accuse you of doing things that they themselves are doing.
It often involves blame-shifting and shaming.
When someone projects, blame-shifts, or shames you, there is a temptation to explain yourself, defend yourself, or prove your point. If you get caught in this trap, you are wasting your precious time and energy.
Instead of defending yourself against a false accusation, the best thing is to not engage and walk away and end the toxic relationship if the person is unwilling to change.
Jesus told us to beware of the leaven of the Pharisees (hypocrisy) and Herod (political power).
Churches and individuals that have been influenced by this “leaven” will demonize anyone who doesn’t agree with their beliefs. They begin to believe that “the other” is evil and that they are the enemy. It creates a culture of fear and distrust of anyone who is not a part of their group or their political party.
When religious hypocrisy merges with political power it can cause people to lose their soul and derail people from entering the Kingdom of Love.
The road to the Kingdom of Love is narrow. I’ve left “Christian City” behind and I am on a journey to find it, as it is where I want to live.